Lies, Lies, Lies.. It sucks when you got no one to turn to.. I guess I'll just carry on with a smile on my face to please everyone:D

Sometimes people change.. Some for the better while others for the worst.. Frankly, I'm not sure if I'm being me anymore... It's like I haven't been feeling myself lately.. I get pissed off rather easily these days... I know it's wrong and I'm trying to do something about it.. But seriously, what exactly is the root of my sudden change of behaviour?? Could it be work? Cause frankly, the calls I'm getting these days are no more than prank calls.. Mostly are people who just love to 'keng'(a term used to denote people who loves to fake it).. I know that my line of job requires me to treat every patient with TLC(Tender-Loving-Care) but how the heck am I supposed to when they're just bullshitting right in front of my eyes?? I was pretty sure this wasn't what I signed up for... I wanna save lives.. Those who really needs it.. No doubt I've save some but the number of these people who loves to keng are increasing.. Man, what's wrong with Singaporeans these days?? Are they that bored that they need to play punk with us?? Sometimes I wonder how those old timer paramedics can tahan for so long... It's challenging when our job requires us to face the public.. It sucks that we're being treated like shit when we're here trying to save a person's life.. Haiz... I hope this ends soon:(

Recently i had a heart to heart talk with one of my paramedics(a.k.a PM).. There were 3 of us.. My fellow medic, the PM and me.. It was late at night and we couldn't sleep.. So we talked about random stuff... Then this PM started talking about her life.. It seems to me that this PM came from a rough background.. Used to be a drinker etc.. Somehow or another, this PM turned over a new leaf and decided to join the force.. She began telling us about what made her change completely... It was interesting to hear about her side of the story.. Well, she's not the only one... In fact, in the force, there are many of the PMs who're like her... Before I became a medic, I've always had this impression that these people are well educated.. Not those who had a bad background.. Don't get me wrong... I'm not condeming them... As a matter of fact, I really look up to them... Having to go the extra mile just to save someone else's life, it reflects the dedication they have towards this job.. It made me realised how fortunate I have been to have been brought up in a safe & controlled environment... Thus, I've decided to put in more pride in my work these days... I love my job:)

I doubt any ppl visits this near-dead blog anymore.. But heck, I'll just post.. I need an outlet to vent some emotions... Lately, work's been pretty fine i supposed... Nth interesting have been happening lately in my life... So allah, pls make my life more interesting:( I'm becoming more like a robot these days.. Work, eat & sleep.. That's pretty much what i do.. It sucks i know:( there's nth much i can do when most of the time that i'm free, my friends are busy in camp/ school... That's the downside to shift work.. Oh well, why am i complaining when i'm onl working half of my NS life?? haha... 1 year to go before I am free from this cheap labour:) Anyways, sometimes, I'm getting sick of the politics at work.. Not that I am bothered about it but it's really irritating.. It makes me have second thoughts about trusting anyone anymore.. I can never be sure when somebody backstabs me... Sighs... I'll just focus on saving lives from now on..

Today marks the end of my attachment at Alexandra Fire Station as a medic.. From next duty onwards, I'm back at my Central Fire Station.. I must say I felt really happy at Alex.. The ppl are really nice... Bunch of jokers.. Nevertheless, they made me feel at even more at home than at my own central.. Weird huh?? The calls there are generally less taxing than at central.. Then again, you'll never know when you get a freak incident like one which i attended.. Fall from height at some shipyard in Jurong.. Luckily the bangla survived.. But man, it's never nice to start of a day convey a bangla.. Really stinks.. haha.. Okay, I shall not be racist... Anyways, on a whole, I enjoyed my stay at Alex and look forward to covering them again:)

Man.. It's been ages since I last posted anything.. It's almost 9 months now since my last post.. Anyways, a lot has happened since then.. I'm now a medic at Central firestation.. Basically what I do is go around saving ppl in the ambulance.. It's Really neat job.. I get to see a whole new side to Singapore... The ugly side.. Haha.. Moving on, fast forward to now.. Hari raya aidilfitri just arrived and I wish all my Muslim friends " selamat hari raya & maaf zahir dan batin:)".. I celebrated my raya at my kampung in Melaka.. Unlike any other years, this year as totally different... I will now tell you why..

Have you ever seen a man cry of sadness?? What would you do if you wake up one day and your mother is gone?? Has occur to you if someday, on what that was supposedly a joyous ocassion, turned out to be your nightmare?? These are the thoughts that filled me when I arrived in Melaka.. Well, it all started last Friday, when my family and I was still busy preparing for hari raya.. There were many things to be done.. Cakes to be made, curtains to be put up & cleaning of the house etc.. We had already planned to leave for m'sia immediately after we finished everything.. Suddenly at 11pm, I received a call from my cousin that my aunt's heart had stopped breathing and the doctors have been trying to revive her.. Initially, I was already aware that her condition was rather serious as he called me a few days back to inform me about it.. Immediately, my family and I left for malacca.. After 4 hrs of driving, we managed to arrived at the toll which leads to malacca.. Then, we received another call from my cousin saying that my aunt has already passed away.. I was speechless... My dear aunt ,who had always been very nice to me, is gone... After all the dead bodies that I've encountered as a medic, I never would've guessed that this time, I would be seeing someone whom I know... Meanwhile, after we arrived at the house, I saw my aunt's body lying in the living room with a White sheet covering her entire body.. It was 3 in the morning.. My cousin was already there together with my grandma.. I could sense the tears in his eyes which he tries to hold back... It wasn't long before his older brother arrived.. This time, I was shocked to see this tough man actually breaking down onto his knees and cried his heart out... Who would've thought that the day before raya, they would lose their mother.. Those who were there, including my relatives, could only bare to watch him cry... No one spoke a word.. Slowly, his younger brother broke the silence and told us the actually cause of death for my aunt.. It appears to be kidney failure.. Nevertheless, the burial of my aunt's body took place at about 11am... Her body was laid in peace near her late husband's.. It was indeed a sad moment for all of us.. Most of use didn't have the mood to celebrate hari raya this time...
However, soon more of my relatives began pouring in after hearing of the news... many paid their condolences and bid their last farewell to my aunt... It was then that I made a surprsing discovery... Apparently, I have more than 30 cousins which I never really knew... Haha... I was shocked when I saw the entire house being overcrowded with my relatives.. Well, despite this setback, we still managed to have a joyous hari raya where it was a reunion for many... May allah watch over her soul:)

In Living Memory Of

Saodah Bte Daud

1945-2009

Finally I'm out.. I just booked out yesterday.. NS life has been great/sucks/slack... I wonder if there's such a word to descibe all those feelings i had while in camp.. No doubt being in SCDF is a great eye opener for me... Practically about 90% of the entire place is filled with malays... I had a lil difficulty mixing around during my first few days but slowly i'm adapting... Everyone came from different kinds of background... From ex-convict to uni student... I've learnt a lot from these ppl.. It sucks when things don't always go the way you want them to.. It hurts really bad but life have to move on... I chose to be more optimistic of the future though I'm really unsure about what my future is gonna be like... What's my vocation, Where I'll end up etc... These sort of questions often occupy my mind which results me in losing my focus... I'm really glad I get to keep in touch with a few of my friends while I'm in the camp... I really hope that my NS life will be a meaningful one... One which will mature me into an adult... Anyways, I feel as though I'm becoming more of a mat... I don't know if it's a good thing to be in touch with my mothertongue... Talking to these people requires me lower my standard or I'll be an outcast.. I just hope that I don't end up like them.. However, there's more to them that meets the eye.. I kinda understand why many of my friends hate malays... But it's a rather unfair stereotype.. These so-called "mats" just so happens to be influence by the wrong company... In fact, they're nice people when I talk to them.. Oh well, that's it for now.. I'm gonna book in tmrw:( Take care ppl!!